I have to take extra good care of myself around the holidays. Well, really every day. But, I can easily get caught up in focusing on the absence of what I want rather than what I have this time of year. Right here. Right now. Like the other day I was walking through Target, minding my own business. When I see a row of coffee mugs with giant initials on them lined up perfectly spelling out my ex’s name. As “Since you been gone” played on the loudspeaker. Now, that break up was nearly 9 years ago. But, what a perfect opportunity to focus on what I don’t have, right?
The media does a mighty fine job of commercializing and highlighting those things I don’t have and or those things that I feel like I should have…at least by now. Some mornings I wake up with a severe case of the have nots and I end up should-ing all over myself.
It is easy to start going down the slide of self-sabotage. All we have to do is follow the first thought and off we go. Weeeeeee. Into a puddle of tears and anxiety and heaviness. focusing on the absence of what I want rather than the presence of what I have is a perfect recipe for isolation and loneliness.
My goal as the holiday trifecta, Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Years approach, is to breathe deep and jump onto the ladder of loving the self this year. I know that with a little love and some self-care, the holidays can feel more like a warm hug from a loved one and less like a giant elephant sitting on your head.
Here are some things I do to practice self-care and self-love to get you started on your journey. Self care is more than just taking a bubble bath and getting a massage. It could be a part of your formula. But I had to do some deep inner work to even to get to a place that I could love myself. But, once you are there, this maintenance plan may be helpful. 🙂
Cheers to taking good care of ourselves first so that we can take good care of others.
- Mindful Walk -Stop scrolling for 30 minutes and be present as you walk. Just notice shit around you for once. At first I thought this feeling was boredom as I was so accustomed to chaos. Then I realized, oh, this is the peace that people talk about.
(2) Laugh – Releases endorphins and it just feels damn good.
(3) Donate– Clean out a closet or a drawer and take it to your local donation spot.
(4) Be of Service – Volunteer or reach out to someone who is having a tough time.
(5) Make gifts for others – Get creative and make something for others. A calendar. A card. Bake some cookies. Unused creativity can often manifest into anxiety and depression.
(6) Remember: It is ok to grieve – Let the tears come when they need to.
Be kind to yourself when they do. Trauma can get stuck in our body if we don’t release it and let it flow.
(7) Breathe – One of the most powerful resources that we often forget about. Pause. Connect to your breath. Consciously take 3 breaths. Repeat often. A conscious connected breath actually contacts your central nervous system and gives it the message to relax.
(8) Quality time with loved ones – Spend time with people that fill up your heart and bring you joy. FACE TO FACE contact has been shown to reduce anxiety and depression.
(9) Exercise – Yes. It can be hard to get show up for this one. But it is worth it. You are worth it. Exercise has the power to moves stuck energy and releases those feel good endorphins.
(10) Music – Listen to some. Music has the power to tug on those heartstrings and lift our moods. It has been used as a form of therapy for many, many years. Music heals.
(11) Bath – Lavender bath salts and no phone. I can literally feel the anxiety melting away. Baths increase body temperature which has been shown to help regulate our mood. Yay.
(12) Journal – Write about your feelings. Put pen to paper and write three pages. There is something to be said about the art of writing. Physically writing your feelings connects you to each word in a different way than typing would. Writing gives us an opportunity to slow down and connect. Just write and see.
(13) Rest -Listen to your body. Rest can be hard to do in this fast paced world. But it is a vital necessity for our mental health. We have to rest and recharge in order to engage and motivate.
(14) Nature – Calms nerves and improves overall well being. It improves creativity and reduces anxiety. Some doctors are even prescribing it these days. So, here is your prescription without the copay. Get outside.
(15) Ask for and learn to receive help – I hate this one. But, after last year’s tree fiasco with the light and the termites, I realized that allowing my friends to help me lowered my anxiety. I used to think that if I asked for help, people would think I was weak or that I couldn’t do it. FALSE. FALSE. FALSE. The truth is, people want to help. Newsflash.
(16) Gratitude – It isn’t a one day thing. It is a daily reprieve. It turns what we have into enough. And the good lord knows it has helped improve my mental health. This practice has shifted my perspective dramatically. It has become a part of my maintenance program of living a full and whole life. It turns what we have into enough. Each and every time.
(17) Respond rather than react- Pausing is a hard one. Especially during the emotionally charged holidays. But, when I can respond with love, I just feel better. I may need to give myself 24 hours before responding to that email. I may need to visibly pause and take a deep breath behind the lady at whole foods that is returning a LEMON! When I pause, I don’t say as much stupid shit. And when I don’t say stupid shit, I have less to apologize for later.
(18) Set clear boundaries- Don’t allow others to make assumptions about your time and your feelings. Some people may think that is selfish. However, setting boundaries is actually a form of self-love. People just don’t always like them.
(19) Do something that makes you happy- Don’t know what makes you happy? Try things and if you like them, make a list. Keep adding to it.
(20) Limit social media- Yes. You read that right. Reliance and addiction to social media has become one of the highest factors in negatively affecting our mental health. So, you can imagine why unplugging or setting boundaries around it would prove to be beneficial. Hard. But freeing.
Choose one. Or two. Try them all. Make a list of what might help you. Things you enjoy. Things that you have found to lower your anxiety and improve your mental state. But just know that whatever comes up for, you are not alone. Whatever feelings that arise, will pass. Whether you are single or not. Whether you have a family or you don’t. Whether you are stressed about hosting or you are stressed about your cranberry sauce. Whether you are anxious about the mother-in-law staying 3 weeks or you are anxious that the dog’s sweater may be too tight. The best gift you can give yourself this holiday season is the gift of self-care. Learning to rest in the present, the space of where you are, is part of the formula.
Cheers to a self-loving holiday tri-fecta season. You are worth it. 🙂
PLEASE NOTE: I understand that some people need more than a little self love and self care. The heaviness can be more severe.
Please visit ADAA.ORG for more information regarding symptoms and treatment for clinical depression.
And please know, YOU ARE NOT ALONE.
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